It’s dark. So dark in here. I look around uncertain. Where am I? – I wonder. How did I get here? I don’t know, don’t remember.
Funny that, I must have fallen into some sort of pit, but my memory is failing me. Maybe I’ve hit my head? I check for injuries, yet I find nothing out of order. I note that I do not feel any pain, which is good, right? I’m a little worried though. If I have fallen, there should be pain, and yet all I feel is numbness, and I still do not know where I’m at.
I find myself sitting in what seems like very bottom of this strange place, so I get up. Still nothing hurts, it just… takes a lot of effort. I try to look around again and see nothing in overpowering darkness. Suddenly I am tired from just this small effort. I snort at my own weakness.
Extending my arms I try to feel for a way out. There is cold rock all around me. It’s covered in moist moss and I can feel little living creatures slithering away from my touch. I think that I should be grossed out by them, yet again I feel nothing. Maybe I did hit my head over all?
I can tell that there is no way out of this pit other then up. But I’m so tired. Maybe I can just stay here? Maybe help will come? No – I tell myself. I can’t. No-one seems to be around, I am the only one who can help me.
Therefore, I push through exhaustion that is threatening to overcome my body, and in this overwhelming darkness I try to find any point in which I can start climbing. Most of the rocks I come across are smooth and wet, with no grip, as if I am not first one that was trying to get out. But then I find couple little rougher peaces, poking out just a little more.
I wipe my hands on my clothes hoping I’ll have enough grip and try lifting myself up. I find couple of more steady peaces of rock and I lift myself up. I feel little rush of butterflies in my stomach. Yes! I can do this! – I think to myself. And then I loose grip, a stone slips out from under my foot and I fall to the bottom again.
I sit there for a moment panting. I am even more tired now, with this wasted effort. I think to myself that I should just lie down and go to sleep. There is something in back of my head, however that won’t let me rest. I have to get up and try again.
That is exactly what I do. I get up, dust my bottom and try again. And again, and I’ve lost count how many times I’ve tried. And I want to give up, but I can’t.
I. Have. To. Climb.
So I try one more time, my fingers throbbing, my arms hurting. At least I can feel my body now. And It hurts. Yet, I am happy. Pain is better then nothingness – I think to myself.
I can’t wipe moisture off of my fingers any more. I know it’s because it is my own blood seeping through multiple cuts on my hands and arms. The stones and grooves are slippery, it seems however to give me more determination to keep going.
I know, if I fall one more time, I won’t have enough energy to try again. This thought scares me.
Up is the only way now.
And then my head hits something. Another obstacle? I try to stabilize myself enough to hold on to the rocks with just one hand and I investigate what it stopping me above. It seems soft and moist, with occasional long, tougher something. Leafs and roots? I try to rip through it and nearly loose my balance. Nearly. I stabilize myself once more and finally manage to get through what turns out to be forest bedding.
Then I feel a hand grabbing me, pulling me out of the pit those last couple of inches.
And I lie there, exhausted but happy. I can finally see sunshine going through tree tops and there is somebody beside me telling me: Good job. You climbed out of it.
Then I wake up. I sit in my bead and wonder if it really was just a dream. I look at my window. I can hear rain outside, but it doesn’t make me feel miserable. For first time in a long time I feel… ok.